It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
