Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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