i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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