Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
