I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize