I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
