my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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