They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
