there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
