After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
