i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
