he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
