i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Someone signed my nipple.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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