it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
