u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
