I wish I only lived at night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
