Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
