well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Drunk is not a location!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
