haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
