You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
