I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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