So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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