Michael Bay diarrhea
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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