I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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