low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
