Where did you get a picture of my penis
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
