Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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