When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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