why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
