I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
