No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
