Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
