this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
