I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
