We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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