Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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