i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I could fuck to npr.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
