I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
