Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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