yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
