That's when you crack a 10am beer
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
