Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
