I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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