Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
