stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
