Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
