youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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