ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
