whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he thought i was a dude.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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