so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
