Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
