yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
