video games are the ultimate cock blocker
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
